The topic of friendship has been on my heart and mind lately - please take a moment to grab your coffee, glass of wine or beverage of choice as this is a lengthy post! I do my best to respect the time my readers have, but some topics require more words! So without further ado, I hope you experience sincerity, laughter and encouragement as I examine the depth and authenticity of friendship.
This year I am determined to take more time to express my appreciation and support of those dear to my heart. I look forward to hosting more events and bringing those I love together! I have been blessed with amazing friendships over the years and I pray that God continues to grow them and bring new individuals into my life that are unique and beautiful. My heart bursts in gratitude for all I have learned, even when the lessons were difficult. Some friends have known me for a lifetime, others a few years, and some relationships are brand new! While I am excited about those friends above, it is important to share honestly that I have also failed at friendship. I do not call enough, I let too much time pass without checking in when friends are far away, I’ve missed major moments, and I need to be better about prioritizing my time. With failure comes humility and in some cases, I have re-kindled a bond of friendship once lost, while others are imprinted deeply in my heart as a mere fond memory of the past. I have had to move on when I was not ready and for periods of time I have been angry, crushed, saddened and misunderstood.
“People enter our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. We only become disappointed if we try to force relationships beyond their purpose.”
I want to spend a moment discussing failed friendship and loss before I share my passion of having a tribe and the incredible benefits that friendship brings! Out of respect for others, I do not think the details matter, but to skip this portion of the topic is to pretend that life is perfect, and we all know it is not. Life is messy and I am not the only person who has experienced this. I love the quote written above, as I believe it represents a level of grace. Human nature is selfish and flawed, but grace allows us to forgive our own failures and those of others. Grace gives us the strength to let go of the bitterness surrounding the hurt we may feel. Read the line that states “we only become dissapointed if we try to force relationships beyond their purpose”. While we would all love to believe we’re the sparkle in everyones life — and wonder how they could possibly live without us -- the reality is someone may only be around for a period of time. Maybe they were only meant to help you through college, a death, a divorce, to push you in your career or to encourage you to follow your dreams, start a foundation or travel the world! Maybe you were meant to help them! When you lose them, it will be confusing, your heart will hurt, you will cry and you will miss that person. Take a step back, say I am sorry, and take ownership in the part you played when your friendship failed. You may never understand the reason why, so you need to accept that people change. Realize it is ok if your goals are different. Grieve - yes grieve! If that frienship mattered to you, it is a natural process to grieve what you lost. Stop being selfish, it is their loss too. Try to reconcile, but do not put endless effort into someone who does not recipricate your actions. If you have mutual friends, stop the chatter and be mindul and kind with your words. Language has a way of traveling through gossip and may be hard to take back at a later time. While this subject holds a lot of mixed emotion for me, I encourage you to say thank you to those individuals as you move on! You will be more cautious and considerate going forward because of what you’ve been through. Along the same lines, do not be afraid to weed negative people out of your life. Hanging onto a friendship that brings you down, will never allow you to shine! Have you ever heard the saying you are a reflection of your closest friends? Make sure you like what you see! Without failure, there is no progess, and I can tell you from personal experience, progress will take place. Failure teaches us to look forward and find like minded people - I promise you will form deeper connections with those who have your back through “the good, bad and everything in between”. (quotations used as credit to friend input - which you will enjoy more of at the end of the post)
“It’s hard to find a friend who is cute, loving, generous, classy, funny, caring and smart. My advice to you all is, do not lose me!”
Now, let’s have a little fun! I hope that quote made you stop and laugh out loud! I love my friends! In fact, I am crazy about my friends, and deep down I hope they are crazy about me too! While I am far from perfect and even a little quirky (sassy, forward, nerdy … need I go on) at times, I believe that humor is a necessary part of life! In the past I have posted about the importance of loyalty, creating a tribe - and today I will re-iterate how incredible I believe the ‘right’ relationships can be. I am a social person and not afraid to strike up a conversation to pass the time. I know first hand how uncomfortable it can be to put yourself out there and wonder if another person will like you, but some of my best friends are in my life because I took a chance! I have gone to the awkward playdates, had many first time lunch dates that turned into more, met moms in waiting rooms, connected with people on a fitness level to see if there was a spark and even had a woman I’d never met move her family of six into my home - temporary and business related thanks to our husbands - but talk about getting comfortable fast! By the way, she will read this and smile because she is now one of my best friends. Minus living in North Dakota and experiencing the brutal cold — I would not give that year back for anything! However, we had to open ourselves up, share a kitchen, and trust that friendship was a real possibility. Looking at a stranger and wondering ‘can we be friends’ is a scary thing! But if you are not willing to be vulnerable and unapologetically you, how will you form the deep conections you crave? Gone are the days of spending time on superficial friendships! When you take a chance on a new friendship, know what you are looking for. What qualities do you appreciate in someone? Do you share the same values? Embrace your differences! You do not need to be the same in every way, but the core of who you are should align. I will be thirty-five this year (gasp) and I want more connection with those I love! Close your eyes, crank the music, and picture me barefoot in my living room performing a happy dance, hands in the air, hollering "thank you Rachel Hollis, Lori Harder, Lindsey Schwartz and any other women out there preaching this very thing to us”. Tribe matters!
“Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future” - Rachel Hollis
It matters who you surround yourself with!
“Tribe moves you from transition to transcending … I wanted to know these women. Wasn’t there more to them, to us, to this new moment we were sharing? I wanted to know what their soul was whispering to them late at night, what they’ve been through that has made them who they are, and makes them think the way they think. I wanted to know what they unapologetically feel proud of, what they love about themselves, or what they want to contribute to the world. I wanted to know if we share the same fears, the same pasts, or even passions. I wanted to know if we could support each other’s dreams.” - Lori Harder (A Tribe Called Bliss)
I had the pleasure of attending a powerhouse womens event last September in Scottsdale hosted by Lindsey Schwartz. Lori Harder was the key note speaker (among other amazing speakers I hope to highlight in the future) and wow is she full of life, energy and empowerment. If you ever have the chance to hear her speak you do not want to miss it. You will laugh, feel inspired, and find yourself bobbing your head in agreeance to her enthusiasm about life! We all have the ability to transform our situation, but knowing others are out there taking action is liberating!
I have included a link below for Powerhouse Women 2019 if you are interested!
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/powerhouse-women-2019-tickets-49823051087
There was once a time I was accused of having too many friends. Lord help me if my face didn’t say it all! If you know me even a little, then you know I wear my emotions clear as day. Try as I might to hide them, I would be the world’s worst poker player - or at least that is what my husband tells me! After ten years he has witnessed those looks a million times, so I’ll fold my hand and smile, admitting just this once that he is right - please please don’t tell him, ha ha! There may be rules for poker, but ladies, there is no rule book that says you should only have two good friends! Yes, we have all heard the saying quality over quantity, but that does not mean you should restrict your relationships. If you have passion, time and a desire for quality friendships in your life, why not pursue them? Other individuals out there may be looking for exactly what you have to offer! When you think of your tribe, do not discredit yourself - you are also amazing! Do not be afraid to expand your network, and more importantly if you love the friendships in your life, do not be afraid to share them with others. I love introducing my old friends to my new friends. Networking makes the world go round and how selfish of me to keep the incredible women in my life a secret! Now if they forget to invite me shopping or to wine night … we may have problems! Kidding - but really …. just invite me, and we won’t have to find out, wink wink. I giggle over that because it is an amazing thing to feel confident in your friendships and celebrate them. I do not want to compete for my friends and I do not want friends who compete. We live in a time where life is busy, not everyone is available all the time, and we all have something valuable to offer! Which leads perfectly into the next paragraph …
I struggle with the title best friend. Two definitions describe the word best (friend) as “the one closest and dearest to you” & “a person you know well and regard with trust”. I hear myself honor many of my friends in conversation as my best friends, and I personally think this is ok. The word best does not have to be restricted to one person, or a competition like it is when you are young. Some of you will remember having a new best friend in school every year, and some of you have had the same one since you were five. I believe as we age, relinquishing titles frees us of standards set by others, and relieves of us from the pressure of feeling like we have to choose. I quit counting friends years ago and worrying about the label. Instead I started naming them! Some are moms, have the same career as me, single, married, into fitness, not into fitness, some live five minutes from me, and some live states away (insert more ideas here) — point being, I have a variety of friends that each bring something unique to the table. Ask me who matters in my life and I can tell you where I met them, the joy they bring to my life, the moments they lifted me up, the nights they listened to me cry, the honesty they provided when I needed it most, how they make me laugh, how they appreciate my silly side, how they love Lincoln, and the understanding they give me when life is downright messy. I have gone long periods of time not speaking to some, and I guarantee I have argued with each of them at some point. In the end those things do not matter because the bond we created and share is strong enough to forgive the flaws we all have. Thank you Jesus! Without them I would be lost. When your tank is empty, your friends fill you, don’t forget that - EVER. When they need an extra boost, be the reason they feel empowered! Be honest with them, be loyal, support them, and remind them how much they mean to you, and that they are truly beautiful! Friendship requires time, effort and unconditional love - it is not a guarantee, but a blessing you need to treat appropriately.
“What we instill in our children will be the foundation upon which they build their future.”
I love being a mama! My journey of becoming a mother had unexpected complications in the end that created so much color in my story. While I always thought I'd have multiple little ones, I am grateful for the one God gave me. I know many women desire babies of their own, struggle with loss after loss, and wonder why God has a different plan for them. I will never take forgranted such a blessing of being a mom. You may wonder what motherhood and friendship have to do with each other, but I believe they go hand in hand! Motherhood is hard, yet I (we) are raising a little boy the best I (we) know how. When I dream of his future, I pray that he learns about friendship and takes pride in his friends as he grows. (My Wish For You, is a prior post on my blog worth reading). There is no one better to teach our children these things than us. If we do not instill values into our own children, other people will and they may not be the lessons you want them learning. Lead by example mamas! Be a good friend, value your friends and your little ones will notice! I want Lincoln to see me as an example of kindess in dark moments, strength when someone needs support and the key person (along with his dad) that he can always turn to. The world is a cruel and confusing place. When you think of your own friendships today, take a few minutes to talk to your children about what it means to be a friend. This will need to be age appropriate to their level of understanding, but teach them to be the friend others count on, to play with kids at school who feel lonely and to include everyone. Explain that it would hurt their feelings to be left out, the importance of not cheating at games, and include other examples they may relate to. Being kind is never the wrong choice. It may be hard at times, so practice and lead by example. Children watch our every move, and listen closely to what we say. If you don’t believe me just borrow a toddler and accidently cuss in front of them, they will repeat that word at the worst times possible!
“Certain people enter our life at the perfect time, for the most beautiful reason, and you know right away it was a gift from God.”
As I close this post today, I asked a few people in my network to answer what makes a true friend? I received a lot of great feedback, some items overlapping, and am inspired by the raw honesty of each statement. I hope you enjoy reading some of their thoughts and would love to hear yours as well! Please leave a comment below!
“Someone that supports, loves, and believes in you always - the good, the bad, and everything in between.”
“Someone who helps relieve your burdens, who celebrates your victories with no jealousy, and respects you for who you are and your family choices.”
“Someone who loves you for who you are and not who they want you to be.”
“Connection. You cannot predict it, it just happens with the right people and timing.”
“Someone who listens and can make you laugh when you want to cry, someone that even if you have not talked in six months, you can call and it is just like old times. Someone that does not make you feel like life is a competition.”
“Someone who tells you the truth even when it is not pretty and points you back to the gospel. We are selfish sinners and need honest truth with humility.”
“Someone who is there when you need them the most, and when you have a disagreement - someone who does not fight mean.”
“Loyal, trustworthy and someone who knows when I really am not okay even if I say I am.”
“Someone that listens, gives honest feedback and finds ways to relate to make me feel not so crazy.”
“Respect, and a listening, non-judgemental ear. Someone who pushes you to be your best self and is honest when you need it.”
“Someone you can laugh with.”
“Loyalty, unconditional love (especially when we are unloveable), generosity with their time.”
“Someone who calls my bullshit” (forgive the expression but yes yes yes)
“Someone I can call and share the good and the bad and not feel judged. Someone that will tell me the truth even though it may be hard. Ultimately it boils down to someone I can trust.”
GIVE A WAY
It has been awhile since I have done a give a way! In honor of friendship, instead of entering yourself, I want you to nominate a friend! To enter, leave a comment on this post with your friends name and why you value them. I will choose the winner(s) Friday February 8th. I know every lady out there (and maybe the men reading) could use free money to Target! Make sure your friends nominate you as well! This can be done by sharing the post!
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